


When You Assume, You Make an Ass out of U and Me

by whiterabbit



Category: NCIS
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 01:31:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4900396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiterabbit/pseuds/whiterabbit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tony and McGee discover a pair of half knitted baby booties in Ellie's bag they assume she's pregnant and assumption is the mother of all misunderstanding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When You Assume, You Make an Ass out of U and Me

"Hey, McGee do you have that scrap of paper from the crime scene?" Tony asked, looking up from digging through his own bag. The piece of paper in question had been found in the victim's pocket and looked like it held a partial plate number. Tony wanted to run it but couldn't find it among the other scraps of evidence he'd taken from the scene. 

Not looking up from his screen McGee nodded toward the desk opposite from Tony. "Pretty sure Bishop grabbed it, you might want to check with her." 

Knowing that she was with Gibbs in the interrogation room with the victim's now very wealthy widow, Tony debated his next move. Should he wait? No, Gibbs would be expecting something by the time they were done with the wife. Should he go and ask Bishop now? Again no, she was with Gibbs in interrogation. Rule #22 was in effect. Which left going through her things while she was gone. Shrugging his shoulders Tony got up and made his way over to Bishop's bag, which she'd left sitting on her desk. 

Seeing the movement out of the corner of his eye, McGee's head snapped up and his eye widened as Tony reached for the zipper. "Woah! Tony, what are you doing?" 

"Getting the evidence," Tony replied, nonchalantly. 

"Don't you think you should wait for Bishop?" McGee asked nervously, glancing around the room expecting to see Bishop. "She's not going to be happy you went through her stuff." 

Rolling his eyes Tony unzipped the bag and said, "Relax McJittery, this is work related snooping. It's not like I'm going to find anything embar-oh my god!" 

"Oh no," Tim murmured as Tony froze over the bag and whatever he'd discovered inside. 

"Psst, McGee!" Tony whispered, still staring into the bag. 

"Nope!" McGee exclaimed in protest. 

"PSST!" Tony reiterated with no small amount of urgency. 

"No, Tony. I don't want to know," McGee said, purposefully focusing his attention on his computer screen. "It's none of our business." 

But Tony wasn't about to give up and pulling what he found out of the bag he strode over to McGee's desk and pushed a pair of half knitted baby booties, needles and all, into McGee's face. 

"I didn't know Bishop could knit." Were the first words out of McGee's mouth. 

"Ugh," Tony groaned. "Think McGee, why would she be knitting a pair of baby booties?" 

Once again McGee's eyes widened as the realization hit him. "You don't think she's _pregnant_ do you?" He asked, whispering the p-word. 

"Jake and Ellie, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage," Tony rhymed. 

"Then comes the baby in the baby carriage," McGee finished. "Why wouldn't she say anything to us? We're her friends, her partners. Do you think the boss knows?" His voice rising slightly in pitch with each sentence. 

"I don't know," Tony replied vaguely, examining the pale blue yarn in his hand. "They're so tiny." 

"Put them away," McGee suddenly demanded. Snatching them from Tony, who protested with a startled 'hey!' McGee shoved them back into her bag and zipped it close. Turning back to Tony he explained. "There has to be a reason why she hasn't told us yet, and we have to respect that." 

"Who hasn't told you what?" Bishop asked, trailing Gibbs into the bullpen. "And why do you have to respect them for it?" 

"Nothing." Tony replied quickly and McGee shook his head. 

"Tim. What are you doing next to my desk?" Ellie asked, looking at him askance. 

"Nothing," he replied, trying not to look guilty as he quickly moved back to his own desk. 

"Seems like there's a whole lot of nothing going on around here," Gibbs said as both he and Bishop gave them suspicious looks. "What about the case?" 

Tony and McGee looked at one another, the latter shrugged his shoulders while Tony emitted a noncommittal grunt. Shaking his head, Gibbs said, "get to work."

* * *

Grumbling to herself, Ellie dropped her things next to the body Ducky was currently examining and yanked out an evidence bag. Catching the older doctor staring at her in surprise, the agent let out with an especially irritated sigh. 

"What?" She asked. "Do you also have a problem with me being here?" 

"No, but I am curious as to what has put a bee in your bonnet," Ducky replied amiably, which immediately made her feel guilty for lashing out at him. 

"The three Stooges over there," Ellie said, indicating over her shoulder as she carefully pried a piece of fabric from their victims hand. 

Looking past Ellie, Ducky spotted Tony, Tim, and Jimmy huddled together and all of them shared the same concerned look on their faces. The object of their concern was obviously Ellie. It was as though they expected her to fall apart at any minute. 

"They are behaving rather strangely, aren't they," Ducky murmured returning his attention to Ellie and their victim. 

"They've been acting weird all week. First it was Tony and McGee, then Jimmy joined in yesterday when he brought me lunch," Ellie explained. "Even Abby has been a little weird around me." 

"Mr. Palmer brought you lunch?" Ducky thought this was rather odd. 

"Yeah, a chicken salad with kale and alfalfa sprouts. No dressing." Ellie shook her head and went on to explain how Tony and McGee had been hovering over her, asking if she felt alright or if she needed to start coming in later, not letting her go to arrest a suspect, and how Abby kept her from entering the lab, citing dangerous chemicals. And just now, when the three younger men had been concerned about her seeing a dead body. 

"Like I've never seen a dead body before!" She exclaimed angrily. "If it weren't for Gibbs, who is the only one treating me normally, I wouldn't be able to do my job." 

"They haven't given you an explanation?' Ducky asked. Even he was confounded by their behavior. 

"No, and when I've asked them they're only reply is 'you tell us.' What does that even mean?" Ellie asked, her confusion evident in her voice.Shaking her head she looked back at them and rolled her eyes as they scattered. "They're up to something."

* * *

"No!" Ellie exclaimed, "I will go and I will be back in five." 

Gibbs watched as Bishop made a beeline for the elevator, escaping McGee and DiNozzo's attempts to keep her from going down to autopsy to get an update from Ducky on their latest victim. Bishop was right, they were behaving very strangely. His newest agent had come to him over the weekend and asked his advice and he told her that she had given them every opportunity to come clean but since they haven't he decided he would step in. 

"Alright you two what is going on?" Gibbs asked. Tim and Tony shared a look and Gibbs could tell they were frantically trying to come up with something. "What do you know?" Gibbs said, rephrasing his question. 

"What do _you_ know?" Tony countered but the look Gibbs gave him quickly shut him up. 

Knowing that Gibbs was expecting an answer and that he wasn't in the mood for playing games McGee jumped in and said, "listen, boss, it really isn't our place to say." 

"Oh you're going to tell me, and you're going to do it now." Gibbs ordered, and when Gibbs gives an order you follow it. 

They were quiet for a minute before Tony suddenly perked up. "Hey! If he guesses then we weren't the ones to tell him." 

"I'm not going to guess," Gibbs interrupted. 

"We've got to tell him," McGee said reluctantly and Tony nodded. Getting up from their desks they stood in front of Gibbs. Lowering his voice McGee said, "Bishop is..." 

As he trailed off Tony did a subtle motion over his stomach and nodded at Gibbs, who only looked very confused. "Bishop is what? Getting fat?" 

"No, she's preggers!" Tony blurted out, frustrated and slightly surprised by Gibbs' inability to put the pieces together. 

"What! What the hell makes you think Bishop is pregnant!" Gibbs exclaimed. 

"That is a very good question." 

Spinning around they saw Ellie standing behind them with a very confused look on her face. The pair exchanged looks before turning back to her. 

"Well you are, aren't you?" Tony finished uncertainty. 

"No! I am not pregnant," Ellie told them. She had to fight back the laugh that came bubbling up at the surprised looks on their faces. 

"But the baby booties!" McGee said, pointing to her bag. 

Rounding on him with a peeved look on her face she said, "you went through my bag!" 

"No, Tony did." McGee replied defensively, pointing at Tony. 

"Snitch!" 

Groaning, Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose and asked the pair, "why would a pair of baby booties make you think Bishop was pregnant?" 

"Why else would she be knitting them?" Tony countered. 

"Oh, I don't know maybe because Jake's sister is having a baby." Exasperated Ellie motioned to her own stomach and said, "do I look like I'd be pregnant enough to know the sex of a baby?" 

"No," Tony and Tim responded in unison. There was no way they were going to stop and think about their answer, they were in enough trouble as it was. 

Sighing and shaking her head, Ellie felt her anger deflate slightly. "If or when I do get pregnant you guys will be among the first to know, okay?" Seeing them both nod she said, "Okay." 

When she turned around and headed back toward the elevator Tony called out and stopped her. "Where are you going?" 

"To tell Abby and Jimmy that Victoria won't have a playmate anytime soon," she replied stepping into the elevator. 

Gibbs stood as the elevator doors closed and coming up behind Tony and Tim he smacked them both up alongside each of their heads simultaneously. "New rules," he said once he had their attention. "Seventy-three don't get into other people things unless they're a victim or a suspect and seventy-four, never assume anything." Moving past them and toward the break room he called out, "You'll make an ass out of you and him."


End file.
